He Works / She Works ®

Dr. Jim Carter and Dr. Jaine Carter

Sampler

Off the record conversations with men from a variety of organizations support that men feel women change all the rules when they get into a man's world, expecting things to change according to their value systems. For example, Kent and Feinschreiber, in Love at Work, encouraged women to use the work place to find mates. There are no chapters that encourage men to use their jobs to meet women. If this were reversed, women would call it a double standard. Men are expected to readily give equality at work, while at the same time offering to carry women's briefcases and get heavy boxes down from top shelves. Men, convinced that women should have their chance, accepted these work place changes, but a deeper resentment has evolved as women invade male dominated clubs and locker rooms. These areas, at least, offered men the opportunity to talk their kind of talk, use language as they chose and tell whatever jokes they wished. Women now demand access inside these last bastions of male bonding. Men want no part of women's clubs or locker rooms. Any man who was foolish enough to think equality meant they could enter women's locker rooms to interview female athletes, would find himself barraged with cries of sexual harassment. Is it any wonder that we have a new category of men referred to as, "angry males?"

Now, we have the issue of equality in the home. Men are expected to be more nurturing, happily changing baby diapers without making a face. Here, too, they are not allowed to show anger for fear that they may be accused of emotional or physical spouse abuse. Male bashing has become a favorite female pastime. Men who feel guilty for the sins of their fathers, have no defense against female fables of past unfairness, so they go underground with their anger. This is turning into a seething frustration (U. S. Bureau of Health and Human Services), fired by mounting resentment. Some have turned this resentment inward, as the increase in the male suicide rate attests. Others have begun to scream, "Uncle! Enough already! Give me some space to be me." In harmony with the song for women, "I am woman. I am invincible", we hear the song from men, "I've gotta be me!"

Men and Women are Different. Men and women may be equal under the law, but they are physically, mentally and emotionally different. Men and women even define the word "career" differently. In one study, when asked to define job satisfaction, women who responded chose personal growth and self-fulfillment, making a contribution to others, and doing what they wanted to do. Men have been programmed differently into game-playing behavior patterns that promote learning and accepting specific rules, adapting strategies to meet goals, obeying signals and operating in an overall framework of teamwork, risk-taking and competition.

Most men measure success through high achievement and how well they provide for their families. . . .